Do you feel like you have to be the best at everything or that being exceptional in everything is the only way to be? Are you self -critical or hard on yourself if you are not the best? If that is the case, I invite you to take a step back and look at the situation objectively. I have learnt that being exceptional and perfect in everything is not only bad for your emotional health, but is also toxic. In this post, I explain the benefits of giving ourselves grace and accepting our mediocre selves. It is time to ditch perfection and embrace ‘good enough’.
Should we embrace ‘Good enough’?
Yes, firstly because when we don’t accept our not so good, decent enough, average or our less than perfect selves, the only person we dishonour is ourself. Secondly, pursuing perfection is exhausting, limits you from trying new things and robs the joy out of life. Let’s dig deeper and understand why.
My ‘Good enough’/ mediocre
If there’s one thing I am not confident about, it is driving! While I never expected to be Schumacher or any of those sorts, I thought that driving would be like any new skill one learns – where one gets better with time. My definition of good driving was the ability to do so at any time without shirking it. But I can’t, and it’s been 10 yrs since I am on the wheels! Now, this is not me being pessimistic but honest.
My Journey: Ditching Perfection, Embracing ‘Good enough.’
When I started driving, I thought the fear and anxiety for driving would be temporary and not a permanent one. I thought that with time, I would be comfortable behind the wheels, driving long hours and distance, listening to the radio as I drive long winding roads and hilly terrains. I always thought there was this streak in me waiting to come out. But it never did, and ten years into it, I have moved into acceptance mode. I know I can’t be a jack of all trades, but a part of me feels like I am missing an opportunity of God knows what! Possibly a hidden talent which is waiting to come out like a phoenix from the ashes?
I agonised over it for a long time and felt that I wasn’t trying enough or that I was a wimp. At other times, I pushed myself hard, but nothing changed. Driving was still something that I didn’t love and didn’t excel in. It made me aware of the amount of pressure we put on ourselves to excel or be perfect and pretty much dismiss our work or efforts of mediocre. The subtle mantra that if it isn’t excellent, it doesn’t count! So we pressurise ourselves mercilessly beyond our capacity and wait and hope for that ill-fated perfect standard. In the process, we lose sight of the journey and only look at the prize, the crown of perfection. I wonder when did we as a society put ‘excellence’ and ‘perfection’ on such a high pedestal that we are not able to honour our effort and journey? Thankfully for me, with time, a sensible part of me began to feel content that I have reached the level I have, despite the fears and misgivings I have.
Embracing Good enough
I agree this isn’t easy to come to terms with, especially when ‘being the best in everything you do’ is the mantra of times. Not only don’t we have time for ‘less than the best’, but we also rate it very low on the scale. We want to win all the awards, the title for the best parent award, employee award, best host, best driver and the whole nine yards. We don’t spare anyone from it. Not only do we expect it from ourselves, but also others. Most often than not, it is about things that don’t even matter. So where do we draw the line?
How to Ditch Perfection and Embrace ‘good enough’
Introspect : What is wrong with ‘good enough’
The first thing is to lower the bars for ourselves for our happiness and sanity. But we can’t, and we don’t. Instead, we compare ourselves to others who are better and wish that we were better or sometimes strived mercilessly to be the better version. But my question is what is wrong with the mediocre status. Quite honestly, nothing! It is all in our heads – The perfection game! We have this image in our heads that everything has to be perfect and pristine or else. It is like a threat looming around us. Or else what? The best that can happen is that we lose the title. I say, so what? We don’t have to be perfect in everything.
Comparison – The enemy within- Ditching Perfection
The second thing to do is to find the inner gremlin. I look at my DH. He can drive in different countries, left wheel or right. Whereas, I get butterflies in my stomach if I have to try a new route and never volunteer unless it is last resort. I have ready to use excuses if I am in a situation where I have to drive. But I secretly wish I was like him or my friend B, who doesn’t even flinch. They sit in the car, put on the google map and are on the road. Why do we find the need to compare? Cant, we appreciate our journeys?
Say Hello to Good enough ! Appreciating your effort and journey.
The next thing to do is to remember facts. Are you doing nothing? I remember I started driving full-fledged to work after I became a new mum, where I would pick my 10-month-old from the nursery after work. I remember being scared as my daughter cried in distress in the car seat as I drove her home. There was nothing I could do to calm her down, but I had no other option to drive amidst her screeching. In Qatar, there was no public transport system, and uber wasn’t huge then. So quitting wasn’t an option and I had to drive. I often wondered if I could do it. But I did. With time she got used to it, and so did I. The rest was history. I even continued during my second pregnancy until my eight-month and also got a flavour of road rage :). So I realise I did my part.
Remind yourself of times you tried your best
I also remember the time I drove when I first moved to England. Many things were different. It gave me jitters as I got accustomed to the new roads and being on the wheels in another country. So I concluded that even though I might not be Schumacher, if and when the need arises, I do rise to the occasion. Now, most of my driving includes a 5-mile radius from my house and includes driving the kids to school, play-dates, class parties, doctors or important events. On a rare occasion, when I do feel adventurous, I do drive decently long distances.
Lessons :
To ditch perfection and embrace ‘good enough’, allow yourself to be average
We have to permit ourselves to be average in some things. I realised that we don’t have to exceptional in everything we do. The emphasis should be on trying new things and doing it to the best we can instead of being excellent.
To ditch perfection and embrace ‘good enough’ ,avoid the Comparison Trap
Our good enough should not be compared to someone else’s excellence, because that’s not being fair to ourselves. My husband and brother might be better at driving at me, but I have skills wherein I am better than them. ( They will never agree with that, but well, you know the truth ;))
To ditch perfection and embrace ‘good enough’, give yourself credit
I also believe that sometimes we give ourselves less credit than we deserve. In my case, if three authorities in 3 countries think I am good enough to get a license, I must be of an acceptable standard. So even though I may not feel that I am ‘good enough’ I focus on this fact.
To ditch perfection and embrace ‘good enough’, give yourself grace
When I feel that I haven’t tried enough or I let the fear get to me, I remind myself of the numerous times I rose to the occasion despite my worries. I give myself grace in the times I struggle.
To ditch perfection and embrace ‘good enough’look at the bigger picture
Sometimes I also feel that we take things for granted. If I look at the brighter side of life, many people haven’t even driven a car. In some countries, women have only recently been allowed to drive. So anytime I want to crib about my driving skills, I remind myself of those realities and am grateful for the opportunity that life has given me
Conclusions: Ditch perfection and embrace your ‘Good Enough’
So when you find yourself cribbing about your capabilities or dishonouring the work that you do, its time to introspect and see the situation as is. The first is that you acknowledge that you don’t have to be good at everything. The second is to accept that mediocre is good enough. Then we should avoid comparison traps, give ourselves credit and lastly, consider our selves lucky to for the opportunities that we have got. I hope you are ready to ditch perfection and accept ‘good enough’!
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