Random musings
I have to write.
If I don't,
I feel like I am losing something precious .
Something is being grabbed from me.
It just doesn't feel good.
I feel restless and agonised Till I go to the keyboard and write. Write anything. Just to get my voice out, That's all it wants. To get my voice out of me So that the world can see who I am. For it has gone unnoticed for long.
The need for it is desperate, As though a matter of life or death I know it really isn't. But it just feels like that to me I just can't shake this feeling Or make it go away.
How do I tame it?
Or how do I keep it well behaved ?
I don't know!
I have created this monster in me
that wants to write all day.
And write it will, till it has all it has to say .
It will not let me rest
Till I give it its day in court.
And tell the world who it is
and what it wants to say.
I ask it, "What is it you want?
It only wants to be recognised,
As part of me and not separate.
That's all it ever wants!
I acknowledge it is part of me.
But that is not enough, It want more.
It wants to be an integral part of me.
The one involved in decision making,
In helping to steer the ship.
It thinks I am lost without it.
I am stranded on the shores
I don't make a move forward.
It says, I let the fear and worry consume me
and take my very whole .
It will not stand for that nonsense anymore
It wants me to take charge.
It is not taking my excuses lightly
It wants me to write
To write my heart out
Till I find my way.
'Writing is the path to my soul', it tells me.
It will show me the way.
So just keep writing, it tells me,
Ask no questions.
Fear not imperfection
Nor others opinions.
Just do what you are called to do.
I listen, I am humbled.
I see no other option
But to execute its will.
I feel my time has come To let go of all the fear And move ahead with confidence. Despite not knowing the journey ahead. So I take the first step forward. I don't know what lies ahead But I feel assured that it is by my side At least I can clutch its hands when I feel unsafe or terror because it is always mine.
Snippet
In this poem, I describe how writing is very personal to me. An indescribable feeling comes over me when I start writing and I feel I am connected to the divine. I am not sure about it but its this gnawing feeling I have every time I feel compelled to write.
The big But!
But at times I ignore it or I give it a million reasons why I shouldn’t. The reasons are all valid. But when I do not give it the importance it deserves, it comes out as a strong force. But when I spend time with it and honour it, I realise that there is more than meets the eye. It is like a well or a fountain inside of me which needs to gush out.
The following verse keeps me wanting to write:
‘Each of you should use whatever gift you have received to serve others’
Peter 4:10
This verse keeps me chugging me along in my journey and I move ahead. But many times I think it is not perfect, intelligent or smart. So I dismiss it, but now it is unrelenting! When I shut it out, it feels like a dam is ready to burst and can feel the pressure mounting. Now it refuses to let go, but l, I am afraid to make the move and go full-on.
In my moment of doubt, the only thing that gives me consolation is the following verse
‘For even the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve’
Mark 10.45
This verse reminds me of two things. The first is to understand my role on earth. The second is that if our Lord came to earth to serve, who am I to not to? It doesn’t matter if my writings are not great or below average, all I need to do is show up and use those talents. I am hoping that you get inspired to do so as well.
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